Top 32 Funniest Famous Insults

Before %$#@! insults, the English language had such great possibilities.

32. & 31. An exchange between William Faulkner and Ernest Hemingway:

Said Faulkner: "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."

Replied Hemingway: "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"

30. "He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."
—Robert Redford

29. "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
—Winston Churchill

28. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
—Stephen Bishop

27. "He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
—John Bright

26. "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
—Samuel Johnson

25. "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
—Paul Keating

24. "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
—Mark Twain

23. "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
—Oscar Wilde

22. "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination."
—Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

21. "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
—Oscar Wilde

20. "A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
—Winston Churchill

19. "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
—Charles, Count Talleyrand

18. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
—Groucho Marx

17. "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
—Abraham Lincoln

16. "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
—Moses Hadas

15. "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."
—Jack E. Leonard

14. "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
—Thomas Brackett Reed

13. "He had delusions of adequacy."
—Walter Kerr

12. "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
—Clarence Darrow

11. & 10. An exchange between George Bernard Shaw and Winston Churchill:

Said Shaw: "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend… if you have one."

Replied Churchill: "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."

9. "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
—Mark Twain

8. "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
—Irvin S. Cobb

7. "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
—Forrest Tucker

6. "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
—Mae West

5. "He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
—Billy Wilder

4. & 3. An exchange between Winston Churchill and Lady Astor:

Said Lady Astor: "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."

Replied Churchill: "Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it."

2. & 1. An exchange between a Member of Parliament and Disraeli:

Said the Member of Parliament: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."

"That depends, Sir," replied Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

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